Fuck your traditions!
2001-12-06 / 3:58 p.m.
Well I wish I could be witty and bright and say funny things in this diary, but I can't. I've never been witty. I think I smoke too much pot. Actually I know I do!
One good thing though! I had a conference with my English professor yesterday and she said I had the highest grade in the class. She told me that I had perfects on all my reading journals (she said she has never had anyone do that before), plus perfects on my attendance and quizzes. That's good news, huh? Mike is not doing too well in his English class though. It's fucked up because he is taking a pass fail class and if he doesn't get his final essay perfect he fails. (This doesn't make sense to me-how can anyone do it perfectly by hand in 2 hours in class???)
My ma came over today and brought my neice Samera. She is so fucking cute I could scream!(yes right here in the computer lab!)She also brought her rings for me to choose from to use in my marriage. (I refuse to call it a wedding!) It's really big but we will get it sized later. (I have teeny hands)
So I just have to rant about this whole getting married thing. I'm really excited at the prospect but people are giving me alot of shit about it. The thing is I do not want it to be this huge ceremony! I don't want it to be the way everybody thinks it should be. Just because the normal thing to do is wear a dress, have a ring, and a nice ceremony with everybody watching does not mean I have to do that too! It really pisses me off! Everyone in my family accepts this because they know me. They know how I feel about certain things and they accept me. However I work with a bunch of conformers to society. When I talk about me getting married they look at me like I'm pitiful for not doing it "the right way".
Mike and I have been together almost 3 years and love eachother alot. I know I will be with him! We decided to get married a long time ago! The only reason we are doing it right now is because I want to get married before the end of the year is so that I can get lots of financial aid because I made alot of money this year and he didn't really make much. This will make our combined income lower and the government will give us more money for school. Sure this sounds like we are just doing this for money. No I am doing this NOW for the money, but I plan on marrying him because I love him and want to marry him. Just because I'm a feminist does not mean I cant be a romantic! (Look at Mary Wollstonecraft! She wore her heart on her sleeve, jeez!)
I just don't want to to the traditional wedding thing. I don't think that someone should "give me away". I don't want everyone watching me! I'm not happy that I have to have 2 witnesses even! (my parents will come) I really wish I could just sign a paper and it would be done. I dont want a dress or a ring or any of that shit! People are focusing too much on the ceremony; I will focus on the actual marriage!
Does that make sense??? It frustrates me that nobody understands this! Does anyone understand this? I would appreciate any feedback to this dilema.
I say this: It's my marriage not anyone elses. It's important to me very much but only meaning that my relationship with MIKE is important not some document that says we are man and wife. Shit isn't it enough that I'm adding his name onto mine?? ( I will be Kimberly Lambert-McKenzie) That's only because it's fun to change stuff!
Well I feel better bitching about this stuff. I hope I'm not the only one in the world who understands where I am coming from.