oh god! i need a face lift or a time machine!
October 21, 2002 / 5:16 pm
Ooh I am feeling pissy right now. Mike brought the mp3 player with him to class and I just wanna have a temper tantrum because I WANNA USE IT! I hate walking to school without having songs in my ears. I'm going deaf (seriously) from this obsession. Grrrrrrrrr!
Plus I really don't wanna go to this class! I hate it so much! It's really small (like ten people tops) and that means I have a better chance of having to talk. Ugghh. I get so panicky and it's really embarrassing!
Today in Spanish, mi maestro asked me to describe my parents and I just froze. I got all red and my heart was beating a hundred miles a minute and I really think that is inappropriate, don't you? I'm a fucking college student and I need to have the skills to talk to fucking people or talk in front of the class without freaking out and making a fool of myself. It was like as soon as he called on me I totally forgot what he asked me meant. He said "Como es tu padres?" (or something like that....) and I was like "Umm...uhhhh...??" Help me!
I have a bunch of presentations that are coming up in like all of my classes and I'm seriously thinking about how I'm going to handle it. Like, can I pass the class and skip the presentation? Should I say fuck it all and just drop out, even though I'm on academic probation already so I'd be fucked? How do people get over this stuff? I can handle being embarrassed but I can't handle blanking out and forgetting what I need to say. You know what I mean? I'm one of those blushing stammerers.
So yeah, I have to go to class now. I hope we watch a movie or break up into small groups tonight. I'm praying she doesn't want everyone to talk about race relationships because she always wants the white people to talk about how they feel about being "the man". (Not that I don't have an opinion it's just that I'm a FUCKING WUSS!)
Speaking of being a wuss, did you know I still can't sleep with the door closed or shower when I'm home alone?
Oh fuck. I am so fucking pathetic.