not cool dude.

September 03, 2003 / 1:29 am

Man, I was having such a good night. Work went swell, made a good amount of cash, and I only got stiffed one time. Blared some Neptunes on the way home from work and all was good in the world.

So then I check my email and Mike had sent me some link to a video. It was about that pizza guy in Pennsylvania that got his head blown off while in handcuffs. They showed that shit all over the news.

Anyway, that fucking story traumatizes me. I can't get it out of my head. It fucking kills me. Seriously. I dunno if it's because he was just a fucking poor pizza delivery guy trying to do his shitty job, going out of his way to find this remote location, probably hoping they were gonna tip him extra well for being so nice about finding the place. Anyway, I watch the fucking video and see his fucking face as he's in handcuffs with the fucking bomb strapped to his kneck. He knows he's gonna die soon, nobody is trying to fucking take the bomb off of him. You know? Fuck. It fucking sucks. I dunno when the news has depressed me so much.

Like just now, I freaked out and started bawling and I don't even have PMS, yo. They need to stop showing that shit on the news. I don't want to see that scared look on the poor guy's face again. (And I can't believe they showed his head blowing up on some news stations, not mine thank the fucking lord, it's repulsive and sick and wrong and makes me want to go shoot newspeople or something.)

You know what my reaction to this reminds me of though? Once Mike and I were watching the Learning Channel, or something, and we saw this story on this guy who walked tight ropes (is that what they are called?) for a living. The tight ropes would be all strung out between sky scrapers and shit, right? (He didn't use nets either,) Well he attempted this one walk, and the wind was blowing and he was worried about it but he walked it anyway. I think he didn't want to disapoint all the people who came out to see him. So he walked the fucking tight rope and they videotaped it. You could see him lose his balance and struggle to stay on the rope. Then he fucking tipped over and fell to his death. Those moments that you could see him fumble totally ripped me apart. I totally flipped out. It was not cool with me seeing this dude's last moments. I'm not into it, man. That shit is none of my fucking business, okay?

So this is a word for y'all, if my death is ever somehow caught on tape, IF YOU FUCKING SHOW IT ON THE GODDAMN TELEVISION FOR EVERYONE TO GAWK OVER, I WILL HAUNT YOU WITH A MOTHERFUCKING VENGEANCE. Got it?